June Already?

Wow, it's already June...I still can't believe it. 10 or so months ago when I first arrived in Beijing, China, I thought June was so far away, yet here it is!

As I look back on my year here in China, I am awestruck at how far I have come mentally and spiritually. Mentally in the sense that I am now, after so many year, finally getting used to life in another culture. Although some things surprise me at times, most of the time, those little things that used to shock me do not any more. I recently read an interesting post about 59 things that really express if you're new to Beijing. As I read through them, I started to laugh because most of those things were true for me months ago. Things ranging from surprise at throwing toilet paper in a wastebasket instead of flushing them down a toilet to being extremely scared to cross the street even in big crowds (crossing the street CAN and IS hazardous here since most people cannot drive. It makes me wonder how they even got their licenses in the first place). If you're interested in reading this article, the link is http://www.invisiblegaijin.com/2011/01/23/59-ways-to-tell-if-youre-new-to-beijing. But what was true so many months ago is not so true now. I have gotten used to most of the ways of life here in China.

Besides mentally, the biggest change in my outlook on my time is that of my spiritual condition. I came a broken vessel and have emerged victorious. But not of myself, it is from the Father. He has been my biggest strength. This year has seen so many ups and downs - mountains and valleys. Mountains so high, I felt like I could conquer the world. And valleys so deep I felt like there was no escape. I have been away from friends and family, my main support system during important holidays. I have been away from home during illness and death of loved ones. I have experienced times of great sorrow, when words just couldn't express what I was feeling. I have experienced moments where I felt like I could not crawl out of bed to face another day. I have experienced frustration with a culture where asking "Why?" is like asking what tomorrow will bring. Yet through all of the pain and dark times, a light has broken through, has pierced my dark clouds of doubt. And surprisingly this has happened just recently. I don't know what it is, but there was one point in my darkness that I began to think "Does it really have to be this way? God has called me here to China for a purpose and here I am completely miserable." I didn't want to spend the rest of my time here in Asia feeling like I just wanted to give up and return home, empty-handed. I felt like I needed to return to remembering why I came in the first place. God had paved the way, had opened so many doors at the right time for me to be here. How could I let him down? Not only Him, but everyone else who sacrificed for me to be here? It just wasn't right.

I tried my best then to keep a happy face, but felt like my efforts were failing fast. Teaching in the classrooms that I do are not the easiest ever. The students, due to being spoiled by rich parents who don't train their children but send them off to school for the week thinking the teachers will take care of them, lack a motivation to do anything that doesn't involve reward, and sometimes don't even listen to the teacher because they simply don't want to. I would get frustrated to the point of exhaustion. Unable to stand it any longer, I cried out to God, who listens to every word I say and sees all I go through. Almost instantaneously, something inside of me relaxed, as if the burden had been lifted. And it had. I was able to wake up in the morning, feeling refreshed. I was able to walk into the classroom and face my students without feeling like a failure. I was able to continue living in this culture without feeling critical about the differences between Eastern and Western. But most of all, my walk with the Father improved immensely. I no longer began to worry about things such as my uncertain future or what tomorrow would bring, but focus on the present day and what I could bring to those around me.

I have often wondered about that point in my life that this happened. What was it that triggered the change? I think the biggest thing was my realization that I couldn't do it all on my own, but needed help from One who knows all. He knows what I'm going through and will help me get through all the challenges I face. He saw me in my struggling to survive, to fulfill my call for this year, my faithfulness to the task and blessed me immensely. I only wish this on all my friends and family, that they, too, can feel the blessing of the Father if they remain dedicated to the task He has called to each and everyone of them.


And now as this year draws to a close, I find myself feeling rather pensive as I reflect on how far I have come. I have a wonderful team that has helped each other out in times of sickness, sadness, and in simply rejoicing when great things happen to each other. I have the best team leaders who pour their lives into each one of us on a daily basis, who are available if we need anything. I have the most amazing co-teachers who really go out of their way to help out in the classroom. And although I can't say I have best acting students, they truly are a great group of kids who need someone to love them. But the greatest thing that I have experienced is the blessing that God has given to me in bringing me out of a place of darkness, into His presence. I, who am a nothing, He has realized my potential to do great things, and put me in a place of great influence. How else could someone so small feel but be so honored to have the notice of the Most Amazing God?

I realize this first blog post is rather long, but I just want to express my gratitude to my heavenly Father for making this experience possible. And to all my supporters, I want to say a giant Thank You as well :)

Blessings to all,

Angelica ("Miss Angie")